by Fiona Beck, guest blogger
When you meet your Soul Mate it can feel as if you have waited your whole life for this person, the intensity is incredible, the love you feel knocks you off your feet and the two of you spend every spare moment communicating and sharing your hopes, thoughts and dreams. It literally feels like you have met the person that you were destined to spend your life with – discovered the very reason that you were born. You always wanted a connection this deep and here it is!
When you meet a Sociopath they will initially engage in something called ‘love – bombing’. They will literally reflect everything that you ever wanted back at you. They will listen to everything you say and study you intently while they build up a picture of who you would like them to be – because once they create this false persona, and you fall deeply in love with them, they have total control over you. This insidious game is called the Idealization stage. Its identical to the first few months of finding a soul mate.
A soul mate may make long term plans with you before they even really know who you are – they will tell you that they just KNOW that you are THE ONE. A sociopath will do the same thing – but the sociopath has NO INTENTIONS WHATSOEVER of delivering on those promises. They are merely molding themselves into what you want them to be. They know what you want because you feel such an enormous attachment to this person that you have no boundaries whatsoever, and you share every aspect of your life with them. Whatever they want – you give them.
There comes a point in many soul connections when the fear of the sheer enormity of what is going on here kicks in. This is often the point where your soul mate will pull, or even RUN away. The devastation that you feel at this point is almost insufferable and you literally fall apart. You constantly ruminate. You go over conversations in your head, you blame yourself and chastise yourself for things you may or may not have said or done. You feel crushed, devastated and inconsolable.
There comes a point in many interactions with a Sociopath when the Idealization stage is over and they begin to DEVALUE you. They are bored with you. You were easy to manipulate, they got what they wanted, you are now way too clingy and needy and they are seeking out fresh, innocent ‘narcissistic supply’. They want someone that they can share the Idealization stage with, something new and exciting. Someone that they can conquer as they conquered you. You no longer fill that role because you keep talking about when they are going to deliver on all the promises they made to you and you keep trying to put everything into ACTION because so far its all been words. Wonderful words, that speak of everything that your heart ever desired, but still only WORDS. You are loving, kind, generous, open, giving and attentive. They hate you for it. You are everything that they can never be. You will pay for that.
When a soul mate runs away we feel totally abandoned. Nothing makes sense. We appeared to ‘have it all’, nothing significant happened to change that, things may have been a little strained lately but you LOVE this person and you are ready to communicate and work through that. What you may not have realized is that by this time, they were intentionally sabotaging things for a reason, an excuse, to bail out. They don’t want to ‘talk it over’ because they engineered it in the first place. Your willingness to work things out will actually have them pulling away faster.
When a Sociopath reaches the DISCARD stage the scenario is exactly the same. In the blink of an eye you can go from being the center of their world to the shit on their shoe. You wont be able to make sense of it because it doesn’t make sense. Until you understand who you were REALLY dealing with all this time. This ‘dream come true’ who swept you off your feet is actually your worst possible nightmare. They crept into your life, your head, your heart and your very soul, and you let them in because they were wearing a disguise. They fooled you into thinking that this was the person you were destined to spend the rest of your life with. Underneath that disguise is a Narcissist. Totally lacking in empathy, interested only in getting their own needs met, by any means necessary, who plugged into your beautiful energy and sucked you dry. Now you are depleted you are of no use, its time for them to move on to a new, fresh victim.
So how do we know who, or rather what, we are dealing with?
Maybe we dont NEED to know! Think about the reason for soul connections for a moment. They are about growth, learning life lessons, healing, setting healthy boundaries and practicing SELF LOVE. Someone comes into your life and rubs salt into your deepest wounds. They remind you of all the issues that you need to deal with in order to grow and be the best person that you can be. The universe will teach us all of these things by giving us the free will to do it OUR WAY – and then suffer the consequences. You can put your hand into those flames, how long you leave it there is your choice, and you will suffer the resulting damage based on the choice you make. Soul connections are the same. So is an interaction with a Sociopath.
When we fail to enforce healthy boundaries, people can walk into our lives and latch on to our innocence, take advantage of us, lie, cheat, let us down and leave us feeling devastated. Soul Mate or Sociopath – a broken heart is a broken heart and the lessons that we learn as a result of these interactions are uncannily similar. When you are dealing with the aftermath of an encounter with either of these situations the work that you need to do on yourself is the SAME.
Lets also look again at the reason for a soul connection. To show YOU what you need to address within you. To open to your heart and practice UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. To be more empathetic to those around you. To find joy in the simpler things in life. To find balance and happiness that comes from WITHIN. What if your Soul Connection IS ACTUALLY A SOCIOPATH? At this stage you may not be willing to accept such a concept but I would urge you, as part of your healing process, to seek out resources and reading material and decide for yourself.
Knowing exactly what you are dealing with will empower you, it will help you make the right choices for yourself and it may just heal you.
Like this article? Read my book: Relationships – what you need to know
By Fiona Beck