Ask the Astrologers: Recovering from a Betrayal

betrayal

Can two people who are madly in love get past what some consider the ultimate betrayal?

The “love planets” — Venus, Mars and personal relationship rulers all paint a picture that can help to determine whether a relationship can be saved:

Dear Melodie;

My girlfriend confessed that she’s been with her ex-lover since we became involved.

She swears she’ll never do anything like this again and I’ve forgiven her, but I don’t know if I can trust her now. It feels like such a betrayal.

She gets defensive when I try to talk to her about it and says my jealousy is driving a wedge between us.  

To complicate matters, they live in the same area while I’m hundreds of miles away.  I don’t want to lose her but am starting to see this as hopeless.

I want to know if the two of us will be together in the same area (living together or married) and whether or not our relationship can survive this. ~ JP

Dear JP,

This is a really difficult situation because while I have no doubt that she loves you and means everything that she says at present, I do have concerns about the viability of this relationship.

She has a lot of stress wrapped up in her natal love planets. While Venus is exalted in Pisces, this placement struggles with boundaries. And in her case it’s placed in the 12th house — which is the area related to clandestine affairs. Her Mars is in Cancer and in hard aspect (square) to Pluto, which speaks of someone who craves intensity, passion and excitement in her relationships. I see the Mars / Pluto square is the classic “dangerous liaisons” aspect: it describes someone with strong sexual appetites and a self-destructive nature — which can be a recipe for disaster.

You have a similar dynamic in your chart, with Venus also in the 12th house (but in Aries) and in opposition to Pluto. In a sense, she fits “perfectly” into your relationship paradigm, as flawed as that paradigm is. It describes someone (you in this case) who learned early on to associate love with pain, trauma and loss. You’re repeating that theme now by becoming involved with someone who is not only hundreds of miles away, but who has reopened those wounds and hurt you deeply with her escapades.

I do feel that you have a forgiving nature, and I feel that it’s possible for both of you to rise above this incident and repair the damage to your relationship. But I also feel it’s imperative that you spend face-to-face time together ironing out your issues rather than trying to tackle them long distance.

You said this felt like a betrayal. It was a betrayal. It doesn’t matter how far apart you are geographically, nothing creates more distance in a relationship than the fear of being cheated on or of having your loved one stolen away. The ground rules for this relationship need to be revisited and agreed to by both parties if you’re ever going to move forward.

In looking at your transits, I feel that it will be you “making the move” to join her in her place of residence. However I don’t see this happening for several months. Although your chart shows travel (as does hers) this year, I don’t feel you will be moving before November. There is one crisis that shows up in late April/early May but I feel that as long as you’re aware and prepared, you can work through it.

 

As always we’ll be offering astrological insights into questions submitted by our readers. Although names will be changed and birth data omitted (in order to preserve confidentiality), each column will feature actual questions submitted by readers. Click here for more information about us.

If you would like either of us (or both) to take a stab at your questions, please email us, or submit them (along with the birth date, time and place of birth for each person) right in the comments section below. Remember, all comments are moderated, so we’ll be sure to edit out your birth data and any personal or identifying information before it’s publicly posted. If you have any concerns about this process feel free to message us here. Although we won’t be able to respond to every question, we’ll select those that best suit the current astrological themes and post our responses here.

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